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Marc Shaiman
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It Doesn't Get Better Than This
[Wilbur:][Spoken-]'Tracy, my little petunia, even I used to get discouraged about the future. Luckily, I had a Wonderful family to turn to.'
When I was a tot not much older than three, My father would sit me on his one good knee. He hacked and he coughed from those three packs a day, But he still found the lung-power to say: 'Ohhh, the… future looks dark, may be troubles ahead. You at least have tomorrow but I may be dead.' Then he yelled from the can taking his final piss: 'Kid! it doesn't get better than this!'
[Wilbur:][Spoken-]'Feel better, Tracy?' [Tracy:][Spoken-]'Um… Sorta…' [Wilbur:][Spoken-]'Alright, then, listen to this!'
My mother loved dope, and tobacco she'd chew. Each morning at breakfast she'd knock back a few. She walked me to school with her eyes shiny red; I can still smell her breath as she said: 'Ohhh, the… future looks bright, Wilbur, don't make a fuss.' Then she stepped off the curb, and got hit by a bus. So, don't wait for the future. It's all hit or miss. Kid, it doesn't get better than this.
Oh, No! Don't count your troubles. Things may take a turn for the worse. Life keeps sticking you up, till' they're picking you up in a hearse. Oh, Nurse!
My uncle wore raincoats though it never rained. He showed off the lining, till' someone complained. When he got arrested, he said: 'What the hell!' And he wrote me this note from his cell: 'Ohhh, the… future looked grim when the judge gave me life, But I've hung up my raincoat 'cause I found a wife. Yes, Herman and I live in pure wedded bliss. Kid, it doesn't get better than this.'
Sooo, your…future looks bleak and you can't find your smile. Baby, life's just a joke, why not laugh for a while? Now, how 'bout a hug? Give your old man a kiss! [Tracy:][Spoken-]'Daddy…' 'Cause it doesn't get better than this. No, it doesn't… get better… than this…
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